kailan

Saturday, July 25, 2009

***this song by the eraserheads has always been one of my faves from them (aside from "ang huling el bimbo", that is). it tells a tale of longing, which seems to be the mood that ive been lately.***

kailan
by the eraserheads

kailan mo ako hahagkan
matagal na akong naghihintay
nakadungaw sa bintana
mga dahon lang ang kumakaway

refrain
kailan ko madaramdaman
pagdampi ng iyong labi
tinatanong ko ang mga bituin
mga luhang humahalik sa aking pisngi

kailan ako tatahan
higpit ng yakap ng iyong dibdib
nakatingin ako sa salamin
may guhit sa noo
mapait ang ngiti

refrain
kailan ko masisilayan
sa araw-araw aking mahal
mula pag gising hanggang sa pag-idlip
kagandahan mo'y walang pati--d

kailan mo ako hahagkan
matagal na akong naghihintay
nakadungaw sa bintana
mga dahon lang ang kumakaway

refrain
kailan ako lalaya
sa anino ng pag-iisa
mga rehas lang ang tanaw
nanginginig sa seldang maginaw
woh-ho

what hurts the most by boyce avenue

Monday, July 13, 2009

***click on the link to watch boyce avenue singing this heartbreaking song***

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCq6Y3gTN7M

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' It

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying to do

Ooohhh....

haiz...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

stay away from me

dont you know that your smile affects me like
the impact of a meteor falling into earth at high speed?

that your every glance makes my heart roar like a
train speeding towards its destination?

that your niceness makes me want to weep with
the injustice of it all,
that you found her,
instead of me.

that i realized i like you,
no, that i love you,
when its all about to end.

stay away from me,
if you have a care for me at all.

if you dont want my heart shattering
into a thousand tiny pieces like porcelain,
never to be mended again.

stay away from me

for my peace of mind,
in hopes that someday, somehow,
ill find someone like you again

someone who is meant for me to find
like the way you found her,
the way you loved her.

feelings...falling...hopeless...lost

Monday, July 6, 2009

over the past few weeks, I've been facing a problem that, by rights, i should be able to post on this blog, since the main reason i created it in the first place was because i wanted an outlet where i can vent out all my feelings, whether it be frustration, anger, giddiness, hope or love. but ever since i told some friends about it's existence, i felt kinda shy to open up and just write whatever i want.
but now, with all the emotions just swirling inside me, threatening to blow up like a hurricane, i have no choice. i have to write, or risk having more than just a breakdown.
i think I'm falling...
for the last few weeks, I've been alternately telling myself that I'm falling, it's great! yey!...then...nope, it can't be, this is not how it's supposed to happen. i was just helping, that was it.
I've been in a state of hopeless denial since this thing this feeling, began, and once i started falling there was no stopping it. it's like slipping down the edge of a steep slope, then falling down a never ending abyss of darkness with no light, no hope, nothing but nothingness.
hopeless...
hopeless to do anything that will stop the slide down, nothing to grasp on for purchase, I'm alone in this, i chose this, i have to go on sliding till i hit rock bottom, if there is one.
don't get me wrong. he's great. that's the problem. if there was even a tiny bit of nastiness that i can find in him, maybe i can stop my treacherous heart from beating fast whenever he comes near, whenever he smiles, or even just look in my direction. but insofar as I've known him, there's nothing.
lost...
now, i found out something. that after everything, he's thinking of going back the same road he was in before this, my feelings, began. i know that i don't have the right to be angry, and I'm not, not really. I'm just a friend, lately a "guilty-friend-who-just-happens-to-have-feelings-for-him kind of friend", but still only a friend. I'm just disappointed. he can do better. he deserves better. it doesn't have to be me, but somebody who will feel the same feelings for him. somebody who will love him with all her heart, without reservations, without asking him to change one bit of his character just to please her, somebody who will love him unconditionally, because that's what he deserves, that's what everyone deserves.
...
now, i have to make ways to move on, even though it will hurt like hell. the time will come when i won't have to see him, and moving on now would mean that the hurt would lessen eventually when that time comes. it would hurt to smile at him like i don't know or feel anything, but i have to do it. he can't be suspicious. I'm a friend, so i will support him. if he's happy, then i will try to be happy for him. i hope he finds happiness this time, whether with the girl he wants right now, or in the future. i will try to be happy, for his sake. then i will try to find it within myself to accept that this wasn't for me.
guess I'm still the loser in the end.