semi- depressed birthday mode

My birthday is just around the corner, and for the 3rd straight year, I'm semi- depressed. it all started when my siblings & i had to move out of the house we grew up in because of family problems. We were away for about a year and I had to celebrate my birthday in a place that I wasn't really that familiar with. Don't get me wrong, we stayed with my uncle's house for awhile, & they were great for putting up with us, but it wasn't the same as spending it at home, you know? Couple that with the fact that at that time, I really wasn't that happy with my job so I was always absent, so come payday, (which, by the way, comes a day before my birthday), my salary wasn't that much. It's my fault I know, but somehow, 3 years later, I still feel the same.

I somehow can't shake the feeling that 3 years from now, or heaven forbid, 10 years from now, I'd still be feeling the same way. Maybe it has something to do with my discontent over my current situation. True, my sibs & I are now back home, but I'm still a bum since quitting my job a few months back, hence the financial problem. Then there's the problem with my lovelife, or lack thereof. I haven't been out on a date in years, and this has led me to believe that there is something wrong with me, personality- wise (although I really don't think so, with me, what you see is pretty much what you get). I also have that teeny problem about my family (ok, so it's not teeny, it's a lot big, like THIS BIG). I really don't have the strength to go on about that now, not when I'm already like this, maybe in the future I'll write about it, but for the meantime, let me go on & be depressed for a little while more...